They could possibly pass for human beings if they chose literally any other hairstyle.

Never heard of her before. But if I said this at an open mic I bet I could get a laugh.

That’s actually a really good joke.

Elect me and get free stuff, like an NFL team.*

Backing their friends and boycotting a bowl game with a press conference are very different things. What they chose to do was a publicity stunt.

Certainly not Cuomo.

Somehow, there are Five Hundreds all over the county I live in. There may be one in the office parking lot right now. But whenever I see one on the road it always just looks like a mini-Tarus.

So it’s safe to use Evernote for my grocery lists again?

If your name is Jared Goff, yes you should stop trying.

Oof, this one got me right in the Joe Cocker.

Nah, give it 20 years. The autonomous car program under Immortal God-King Trump will be tremendous. We will have the best autonomous cars. Believe me.

Indeed.

Oh come on, even jokes are lost on you. Sad!

Of course not. The dumping of tainted tracking fluids is.

I am not eager to go back to the “Rock against Bush” years.

You should probably step out of the middle ages and get yourself a modern thermometer.

Right, but not intentionally.

7 Nation Army?

Saving that for the inauguration.

Need a hug, bro?