How’d you get the beer out of your camo bruins jersey after game 5?

You really think that Marchand one timer was easy?

I, for one, posit that the most Enterprising team won. 

Just make it Deadspin’s version of The Onion’s mass shooting article

I have a really nasty hangnail on my left index finger.  Just typing this was agony.  

This is perfect.

Get well Drew.

The only Deadspin post more anticipated than the annual Williams Sonoma Haters Guide...

Jesus, man. This is harrowing. Like everyone else in the comments, I’m glad things didn’t go differently.

There are people that really do this, although my understanding this particular video makes fun of those people, and is fake. My dad, back in the day, was into trains, but not like this. But, train watching is a thing.

I had to. OK, I didn’t have to, but I will anyway.

My neighbors and I don’t know each other too well, so I’m looking forward to spending the next HOA meeting explaining why screaming “FUCK DON CHERRY” at midnight here in NC was totally apropos.

Holy shit! That was the most fun I’ve ever had at a professional sporting event! Everyone lost their minds after the second goal once the Sharks were back into it, then when they scored the equalizer to quickly people were going nuts: high fiving, hugging, crying in the aisles, a fat lady barfed in her purse, I’m…

Yes, unlike the NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL, NCAA, and Pro Tennis circuits, which are all proletarian exercises in egalitarianism, appealing first and foremost to the poor person in all of us sitting in the Poverty Suites at our publicly funded stadiums and arenas.

Is this stage set up in the Arby’s parking lot across from the festival?

Can’t come up with 6 figures?

Fuck me, this is the first comment to make me actually laugh out loud in a while. 

+2 legit

Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single.