Yeah I imagine the Olsen Twins casually seeing this, smirking, and then lighting cigarettes as they hob nob with the French elite or whatever.

If I were the Olsens I wouldn’t want to spend any extra time around Candice Cameron no matter how much they were paying me.

They don’t need the money or the exposure. Should they be leaping at the chance to spend several days in close quarters with a Stepford wife religious fanatic? Team Olsen twins!

What if you discover that the goat is your true love?

A better question is, “You just found out your true love has been fucking a goat every three months. Are they still your true love?”

no, six. It mutated and grew an extra one.

whoops, five. fuck it.

Rio Olympics logo: six interlocked ring(worm)s

The IOC would feel really bad about this, but in their defense, the bribes were exceptionally large.

15 years ago my friends pranked me really hard that I won the DC shoes monthly giveaway by calling my house and acting like they were from DC. I was suckered really good and got laughed at for weeks. So I wrote DC an email telling them about this story and how I should win it for real and punk those guys right back. I…

I wonder if falling a lot during his career led to CTE and depression.

Life when so much simpler when you could just drain your blood from yourself, separate the red blood cells with a centrifuge, have your team carry it around in a cooler on dry ice while hiding it from officials, and then give yourself a transfusion of your own blood before a race.

I have a feeling that Duncan’s (Zowie) young life was probably tumultuous and the nanny probably played a big part in raising him. It’s really nice that David honored that.

No matter how old he got, the moment he smiled, it’s like all the years melted away. Like this photo was taken a few days before his death. (By Iman, no less.) What a fantastic smile.

Maybe to keep her from turning into Lindsay Lohan? Or maybe there’s a tax reason.

The gifts to the nanny and the assistant are even more evidence that David Robert Jones was a oner in the best possible way.