Ooh, this is the perfect opportunity for me to complain about my mother! :D

Oh hell no. Nobody takes my coffee. Not even my husband, who I would die for.

Manimal

Miami Vice: Hold my Beer.

Sometimes I exploit my bloat babies to get seats on the subway.

My dog Greyson, who was so excited to see me when I got home that he gave me a fat lip, but then kissed it very gently because he felt bad.

Preach. Polar or GTFO.

LaCroix sucks. Not enough carbonation. Polar for life.

“That which does not kill me can hurt like hell for a week to ten days, with risk of tissue damage and secondary infection.”

“Maine’s fun-loving Republican governor Paul LePage implied that he makes up stories to confuse the press; in a radio interview, he also said “the sooner the print press goes away, the better society will be.”