I don’t know what their custody arrangement is, but I just want to leave you this for future Christ on a cracker needs.

I have a coworker who does this. The kids stay at the house and she and her ex have a studio apartment and they move back and forth. It’s really good fir the kids, but horrible for them since they still have all of the same shared conflicts over cleanliness of living arrangements, bill paying, etc that they did when…

Also, my mom really is a goodwill and peace person, she just also loves the pomp and tinsel.

Who isn’t even born yet...my mom is super into Christmas. She suggested buying us a faux tree so we "have one for next year". 1. Our kid will be eight months old. 2. I hate decorating anything. I told her that Christmas would be a grandma's house thing.

My mom, soon to be a grandma, thinks the elf on the shelf thing is "cute". I watched her die a little when I told her that there was no way we were perpetuating the Santa myth. "But what about the magic of Christmas?!" Lies! Magic is lies!

You are not missing one, single thing. Your life is perfect. Keep it up.

I LOVE YOU FOR RARE EXPORTS! I swear, I have suggested this movie to everyone I know and the most I get in responses is “that was weird”. It isn’t weird, it’s amusing and heartwarming and wonderful. And that kid, Jesus. So cute.

I moved next door to Minnesota. There is crazy here too, but it doesn’t get elected as often (with notable exceptions like Michele Bachmann).

YES! My favorite part about “No One Would Tell” was Fred Savage barking “If I can’t have you, then nobody can!” One, genius script-writing, very original. Two, Fred Savage is like not even vaguely threatening in the role. When one of my freinds and I watched this she said, “I bet if DJ kicked him in the nards once,…

If anything, Chelsea timed this thing well to not have to go hog wild campaigning. Not pregnant, campaigning sounds like the most exhausting thing ever. Doing it while pregnant would be superhuman. And she would def need more pee breaks. I hit the bathroom like once an hour right now.

I firmly believe that the world has missed an opportunity to cast Harrison Ford knock-off David Duchovny as his son in a movie.

Thank you! And good luck on your surgery TODAY! It sounds super scary to go for the surgery, but probably more effective than drinking kale smoothies x infinity.

This picture. Wow. Amazing.

People are such dicks. My dad has a degenerative disease and the number of people who have told me to have him try a gluten-free diet, or eat shit-tons of coconut oil and then GOTTEN MAD when he didn’t do their wack-a-doo miracle cure has been staggering. Feel free to tell your “well-meaning” friend to fuck right off…

Props to your mom!

“Caitlyn wants a mini schnauzer!”

How do you feel about your middle name? Drop it and change your middle name to your current last name and take your mother’s name as your last name. That sounds confusing, but I know a lot of people of my mom’s generation who dropped their middle name for their maiden name when they got married and took their…

Eh, I don’t know. I was pretty sheltered in my real life experiences and movies. I didn’t even see a PG-13 movie until I was 14, and even then my parents were kind of on the ‘sex and language are okay, violence is not’ bandwagon.

That is some wicked stepmother. One thing I really appreciate is that my parents never ever censored my reading. I read The Color Purple when I was twelve. That was instructive. My mom had read it. It was her copy of the book on the shelf. I asked her about it a couple of years ago. She said, “If you had questions, I…

Up! is insane. I sat down to watch it with my niece and nephew when it came out on DVD. Not because I wanted to, but because I was being a good aunt. There is an opening montage that, if you have a heart, even a little tiny cynical one, will make you cry in a way you haven’t cried since childhood. I might be crying…