Persoanlly I don't think a statement was neccesary. Just tell the cop his name

Cop"Ok, tell me what happened. Why did you hit him?"
Big Jim "His name is Hayes McGinley. He's a lacrosse player for Syracuse"
Cop "You're free to go..."

Honestly, if you (1) went to Syracuse, (2) played lacrosse, (3) looked like a douchy frat asshole, and (4) were named "Hayes McGinley," how could you not totally expect to get the Jesus Fucking Christ beat out of you at least once in your life by a guy named Big Jim Whitcomb.

Here it probably means spike it into the turf or something. In the U.K., do nothing with it for 90 minutes.

Edit: I blew the joke. See below.

(nephew comes to family reunion in neck brace and head bandage) (is met by a suspendered uncle sitting at a desk at the front gate) "Hayes, what is it ya say... ya DO here?"

I feel like if you get hit by somebody named "Big Jim", you're gonna have a bad time.

Jesus, calm down melanie.

6/10

Who knew Don Lemon was capable of channeling the thoughts of million of people, including BLACK people, all at once. No wonder his brain is a burnt out husk.

Is this the new, "I'm just here so I don't get fined."

Hi Don!

Lemon is a clown and so are you

Here are the black people people Don Lemon speaks for.

How many is a lot, like 5? 10? However many work at CNN?

Your comments are more intruguing when you don't use a fake Kinja account, Don.

This is my new favorite response to this kind of comment.

Gotta hear both sides.

Oh, my bad.