Next up: most on-screen rapes, most on-screen disembowelments, most on-screen mullets, and most on-screen child sacrifices.

Step one: Feed a pig some flour, eggs, and butter.

It's all going to take place in Mindy Kaling's brother's house.

"Man, fucking you would be like fucking my own daughter! Finally I've found a way around the whole bullshit incest prohibition!"

How is that fact that Zac Efron is going to Hell considered news anymore?

We'll be right back with more … stuff.

A talking dinosaur or GTFO.

One example: in the book, Ed Exley, our movie's hero, gets the drop on the black guys being framed for the Nite Owl killings and makes the decision to shoot them all down in cold blood in order to burnish his reputation. None of them makes a movie for a weapon, and Ed just executes them. In the movie, the guys go for…

But Slavery: What a Hoot! is still on, right?

I had the exact opposite reaction to this scene when I saw it in the theatre. It seemed as cliched as possible, telegraphing immediately that Dudley was going to kill him, as we has seen a million times before: naive guy spills the beans while all alone with another character, who sometimes even asks, "Have you told…

Soon to be a Wells Fargo branch office.

Going to be hard to live up to expectations I have now after World of Warcraft.

No, you can refer to butt pirates as bears. They don't mind.

In a world where adult movies like this hardly get made at all anymore, I guess I should be happy. But I seriously doubt it's possible to improve on Sidney Lumet's picture. I mean, it's an Agatha Christie period piece, so what exactly would distinguish it from Lumet's movie? Will they CGI in Poirot's mustache?

Antoine Fuqua turning Scareface into a quippy action movie will, I believe, hasten the oncoming singularity.

It's not stealing if you don't want to pay for it.

I see your point, but in the end outliers only end up proving the rule. Especially when it's more "outlier," singular.

This seems like worrying about your broken nose while a knife is sticking out of your chest.

Event Horizon is shit, but Sam Neill is THE shit. He's a great actor.

Sure, that was the framework of the plot, but not so much the character.