Assuming women underperform because of their anxiousness is what bugs me the most.

oh, reichsminister... i didn’t see you there.

“Shots fired in the penthouse? We’ll be up as soon as we can.”

(As he places his hand upon it, a sign not two feet away reads “Do Not Touch”)

“And then, quite by chance—some 110 million four thousand years later—a Canadian mining operator stumbled upon what is now considered to be one of the finest fossils ever discovered.”

here, let us take the art out of photography and make everything look like the wallpaper from Windows 98. Thank you so much MIT.

You must be blind as that bat, it was clearly a ball!

Striiiiiiiiiiiiiike Onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne!

No, that was a ball. There aren’t any jokes in stickball.

Well, you just missed that joke entirely, didn’t you?

Yehahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that joke went over your head.

Pro tip: warm up with a two-headed bat so that when you come to the plate your regular bat will seem lighter and you’ll have more pop in your swing.

I’m quite sure he has no goddamn idea.

If you like your hair then I can kind of understand. He should be more worried if it doesn’t grow back.

she used the car’s manual to troubleshoot her problem

Years ago,I saw Giants pitcher Bob Knepper take a line drive off his head that knocked him sideways off the mound, and as he stumbled towards the third base line, he found himself under the ricocheted ball, a 15 foot pop-up that he caught about 10 feet from the rubber. That was incredible enough, but what really made…

I felt sick when I saw it live.