There is not a single thing I don't "allow" my wife to do. I ask her not to do things. But "allow"? That is some scary control-freak stuff there.

Us peons that travel cattle class resort to a less technical and more environmentally friendly method of taking a shower prior to landing:

Jeez. That is a lot of sodium for ones diet. If he's a keeper, you should get him to a Gastroenterologist and substitute some meat for some vegetables.

Oh my god, you are so lucky you didn't marry that idiot! You didn't marry that idiot, right?

"I have literally vomited from the stench of his ass several times.", is what got me.

Girl, that last line is like my personal life mantra. Seriously. I really enjoy dating a woman for a lot of reasons, but one being she understands that girls fart, burp, poop and do all those normal human being type things.

He eats a lot of meat & Sriracha (so he cries a lot when he sharts). His new favorite food is canned chili, which he smothers in Sriracha and cheddar cheese. Earlier he told me he's upset that he ran out of chili the other day. I bought him 14 cans 5 days before!

HOLY DAMN. Eat less red meat maybe? Does he have a gastrointestinal disease? How does he sustain a job? Are his farts green? So many questions.

Sounds like a keeper to me!

I am now married to a guy who has the opposite problem of my Fart-Nazi ex fiance... my husband is too free with his farts. We actually have separate bedrooms because the sound, vibration & smell of his farts wake me up all night if we're in the same bed. I have literally vomited from the…

UGH! I made a conscious decision to fart in front of my boyfriend right when he moved in with me, even though the thought was mortifying. It was very silly, but I felt like unless I did it right away, I'd be uncomfortable in my own home forever. Thank god I did. He has since said, "there's no way I'm living with a…

I knew my wife was The One the minute she blamed an SBD on another friend at the table. You can trust a woman who farts.

I would probably shit my pants if I see him again. Then I'd throw the poop stained pants at him and waddle-run away. I moved halfway across the country and changed my name to be rid of him. He didn't take too kindly to me breaking up with him due to his wandering dick.

Ladies, if he won't "allow" you to fart or burp…

He insisted I was never allowed to fart or burp in his presence.

My fiance and I had been engaged about 5 months by this time. He was moving in with me, but we got into a huge fight. One evening I accidentally burped. He insisted I was never allowed to fart or burp in his presence. Ha! I'm not one to get into farting contests or burp my ABCs, but occasionally one would slip if I…

I lived in a small town and had been dating a guy who was kind of shady, but I didn't have any proof that he was seeing other women. One day I was getting my hair done and talking, as one does, to the stylist about my situation. I notice the woman next to me listening to me rather intently. She suddenly interrupted…

Let me regale you with the tale of an ex of mine who I will heretofore refer to as Shitbag.

Shitbag and I dated for about 6 months, fairly casually. His work shuttled him back and forth between Ottawa and Montreal, so he was only in town about half the time, which kept us from getting too serious. Plus, not long after…

"I told you, we needed locking mechanisms on the vehicle doors."

Ghostpark the whip.

THANKS OBAMA

Social lubricant: For when you need a little help inserting yourself into the deep, dark holes of the nightlife.