My mom used to make my dog homemade treats...they were made with all normal ingredients from the grocery store (mostly cornmeal, peanut butter, and mint). My friend fucking loved them and would eat one whenever she came over to my house in high school. Everyone thought it was weird.

When I was a kid, my family went on a vacation with another family. The first night at our hotel, they had appetizers and a cocktail hour and all of us kids (6 total) were sitting together while our parents sat at the other table. The youngest kid (probably about 9 or 10 at the time) takes a chicken wing and EATS THE…

The worst part of a milk bone is not the flavor, it’s how long you have to chew them before you can swallow. Took a bite out of one on a bet once, and had to masticate so long my jaw started aching and my mouth just couldn’t produce enough saliva to counteract just the raw dryness of the thing.

Steak sauce should just be renamed to douche sauce.

Lets be REALLY honest: The only difference between whipped cream and butter is the amount of time spent whipping. So not really that big of a mistake either.

Cookie dough is like the veal of baked goods; young, tender, and delicious.

Melted Butter = Bliss on Earth

For the same reason people like veal, or caviar, etc. Baby food is better I guess.

Some of these customers really need to learn when to keep stuff private. Like raw cake batter...whip up a cake mix and eat it at home. Hell, a lot of the brownie batter doesn’t make into the pan when I bake. Want to suck straight caramel sauce out of the jar or bag? Do so at home, treat yo self. You can even find…

The only thing good about it is the cream cheese. I actually told my friend what red velvet really is, a chocolate cake with dye in it, she told me I ruined her life, she thought it was white cake with red dye and was wondering why her home made versions never tasted right lol.

Paula Deen’s entire career is based on this simple yet accurate principle.

It was near thing. He is now careful to have two or three bites of anything I make before adding anything. Death is a great motivator.

Anybody, husband or no, who puts Sriracha on ravioli is not worth tears. Only ridicule.

You should just get him canned ravioli and get yourself a mister mistress.

Good red velvet cake is like good carrot cake. Sure, if you can find a well made version, yes, it’s good. 90% of the ones out there are made for people who like boxed cakes and canned frosting.

He’s still alive? You have way more self control than I do.

I’ve been working on improving my cooking skills for the past year. This resulted in a very tearful conversation with my husband, where I had to explain that if I was going to spend 8 hours in the kitchen making ravioli from scratch at his request, he could at least take a fucking bite before drowning it in Sriracha.

V…

They’re both terrible decisions. I give the edge to medium venison guy. Putting salt and pepper on it IN FRONT OF THE CHEF? That is so so bad. It’s not even the way it was ordered that is the worst part. Salting and peppering something without even tasting it is insulting, much less covering the damned thing. My drunk…

People who like red velvet cake are the same people who like ranch dressing.