Crunchy Biscoff cookie spread. Heaven.

You can literally eat it straight out of the jar, and I have done so before. You don't need to put it on anything. Come on. Live a little.

Unless you have had speculoos you need to stop. Put that delicious cookie butter on your tongue or spread that shit on some Madeleines and you will be able to smell colors. I too was once a nay sayer. I have seen the light.

'MURICA! FUCK YEAH! :)

Exactly. It isn't dough at all — the cookies are instead mashed up into the butter substance stuff to create gloriousity... oh man. It's so good. So, so, so good.

it's not dough, it's "butter!" Pulverized cookie spread.

Just eat it on the toilet.

Seriously, if you're gonna eat cookie dough, make it fresh! I was once in line for a concert, and a girl in front of me pulled a huge tube of Tollhouse cookie dough out of her bag and took an ENORMOUS bite. Now, I love cookie dough, but that was fucking disgusting.

Biscoff or Trader Joe's Speculoos butter. That shit is so good.

She once won with a semi-automatic pistol.

In her spare time, the chef from David's story enjoys Russian Roulette, eating glass, and arm-wrestling silverback gorillas during their mating season.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the tale of Saint Basil Fuckoff, the patron saint of waiters and bartenders.

You can really kick it to the next level by playing REM's Everybody Hurts over it.

Oh, Madeline Khan, you gave us one of the all-time great rage lines.

Certainly we get a lot of that kind of drivel even here in the UK, with an actual welfare state and everything, with some smug, rich, politico who has a huge, well-equipped kitchen and excellent storage facilities in their vast house(s) bemoaning how the poor "can't cook" and suggesting that it's ignorance or laziness…

I would be all for this IF they would instead get these people eating healthy food. But since she just basically wants to take a giant dump on the disabled and elderly, she can go to hell.

Sundae, bloody sundae?

An elderly man used to call my work every Sunday asking for the number to some typewriter ribbon company. Every. Sunday. Same man. Same typewriter company number. The first few times I Googled it and gave it to him. After two months, as it was approaching the holidays and he started asking me other number information,…

I've found that, too. I worked with Danny Trejo (of Machete fame) on a film once a few years ago. He wasn't nearly as known as he is today, but he was the actor on the set with the most clout at the time (for stuff like Con Air, etc.). Nicest guy ever. Sat with us and talked about his kids, his tattoos, and was the…

Peach.