Hard-Ass Motherfucker. Took me a while, too.

Oh, absolutely that woman is a grade-A twit. But it's like talking to a lawyer about the hot coffee lawsuit. It and the brown M&Ms are things that have become shorthand for "lol, petty things" when actually, there's very good, and very serious reasons for them to exist. Picking potatoes out of soup? Not so serious.

Agreed. A whole lobster has way more uses than just "get the meat out". Tomalley is delicious if you're not squeamish, and if you're lucky enough to get a female lobster, the eggs are a definite treat.

Besides. Crustaceans are some of the last animals we eat that we commonly recognize as being formerly living…

Yeah, but then you get into the whole quandary of "What is a good lobster roll". Hot, cold, mayo, butter, celery, split roll, etc etc etc. And really, unless your plan is to settle the argument once and for all by eating an example of each roll, that might be a battle you don't want to get involved in.

To be fair, there's actually a good reason for the "no brown M&Ms thing" and other ridiculous contract riders. They're usually buried way down deep in the contract, and it's an easy way to tell if the venue that you're playing at actually bothered to read and follow all of the contract. This is really important if…

But how do you confuse steak with brisket? They're completely different!

Also, if you've been the kind of lucky douchebag who's always had someone else do your laundry for you/ has never been on the receiving end of someone fed up with always having to empty your damn lint trap because you're an ignoramus, it's kind of easy to forget about. Eggs, though. You'd have to live a life…

I never commented on Gawker/Jez/Kinja/etc blogs until I found Kitchenette and BCO. Praise be to the Uberest of Trouts for bringing such a wonder to our weekly lives.

That is all true, but the reason people don't eat the knuckles as much is the same reason people prefer lobster over crab. The knuckles are a pain in the ass. Leg meat is also pretty good , but is also a royal nuisance to get out. Also, lobsters have those little poky bits that hurt when you're gripping the claw and…

...If that's food porn to her, I really, really don't want to know what porn porn is for her.

Oh god. I'm so sorry for all of you. I want to take you all to a lovely restaurant in some kind of attempt to make up for a lifetime of awful cooking.

Jessica Williams forever. She is a beautiful, wonderful, precious treasure.

It does raise the question of how the tampon got stuck, though. I mean, maybe the string came off? But still!

They might have been trying to see if that old "So-and-so's such a tightass, they could crack a nut/acorn with their asshole" saying is actually doable.

Mostly in that the damn thing /broke/. I can't imagine how that must have felt.

That sounds delicious. I wonder how the mashed potato rolls tasted compared to normal ones.

Yeah, except then you don't taste the thing it's on at all because it's nothing but OMGALLTHE SPICES. Also, it smokes up the kitchen like a sumbitch. Dad didn't know how to cook anything but blackened salmon steaks for the first few months after my parents divorced, so we ended up eating a LOT of blackened salmon. I…

Never look up casu marzu then. Or don't, within 4 hours before or after eating anything.

Yeah, but to make a batch special just for this one snotrag? I don't care how "easy" it is, it's not worth the time or ingredients.

Yes, but asking the kitchen to make something that they don't have (and at that kind of restaurant, I guarantee that they won't have ranch dressing on hand) just because you want it is a dick move of the highest order. As the chili kid in another thread had to learn, if they don't have it, they don't have it, and you…