To be fair, there's actually a good reason for the "no brown M&Ms thing" and other ridiculous contract riders. They're usually buried way down deep in the contract, and it's an easy way to tell if the venue that you're playing at actually bothered to read and follow all of the contract. This is really important if…

But how do you confuse steak with brisket? They're completely different!

Also, if you've been the kind of lucky douchebag who's always had someone else do your laundry for you/ has never been on the receiving end of someone fed up with always having to empty your damn lint trap because you're an ignoramus, it's kind of easy to forget about. Eggs, though. You'd have to live a life…

I never commented on Gawker/Jez/Kinja/etc blogs until I found Kitchenette and BCO. Praise be to the Uberest of Trouts for bringing such a wonder to our weekly lives.

That is all true, but the reason people don't eat the knuckles as much is the same reason people prefer lobster over crab. The knuckles are a pain in the ass. Leg meat is also pretty good , but is also a royal nuisance to get out. Also, lobsters have those little poky bits that hurt when you're gripping the claw and…

...If that's food porn to her, I really, really don't want to know what porn porn is for her.

Oh god. I'm so sorry for all of you. I want to take you all to a lovely restaurant in some kind of attempt to make up for a lifetime of awful cooking.

Jessica Williams forever. She is a beautiful, wonderful, precious treasure.

It does raise the question of how the tampon got stuck, though. I mean, maybe the string came off? But still!

They might have been trying to see if that old "So-and-so's such a tightass, they could crack a nut/acorn with their asshole" saying is actually doable.

Mostly in that the damn thing /broke/. I can't imagine how that must have felt.

That sounds delicious. I wonder how the mashed potato rolls tasted compared to normal ones.

Yeah, except then you don't taste the thing it's on at all because it's nothing but OMGALLTHE SPICES. Also, it smokes up the kitchen like a sumbitch. Dad didn't know how to cook anything but blackened salmon steaks for the first few months after my parents divorced, so we ended up eating a LOT of blackened salmon. I…

Never look up casu marzu then. Or don't, within 4 hours before or after eating anything.

Yeah, but to make a batch special just for this one snotrag? I don't care how "easy" it is, it's not worth the time or ingredients.

Yes, but asking the kitchen to make something that they don't have (and at that kind of restaurant, I guarantee that they won't have ranch dressing on hand) just because you want it is a dick move of the highest order. As the chili kid in another thread had to learn, if they don't have it, they don't have it, and you…

Oh god, the "parenting the way you wish you were parented" thing. I hate this the worst and it is the reason I never want to have kids of my own. It's nothing but a welcome mat for neuroses.

How did a class act like the grandfather end up raising someone who would then go on to raise someone as colossally unprepared for real life as that kid?

But what if you want to use it on a salad with more than just lettuce and croutons? Caesar dressing has a place, and that place is far, far away from tomatoes and cucumbers and other salad accoutrements!

But what if you want to use it on a salad with more than just lettuce and croutons? Caesar dressing has a place, and that place is far, far away from tomatoes and cucumbers and other salad accoutrements!