There are lots of ugly boring guys with wives.

On the plus side, you get a chance to have a date and have them judge you for who you are and accept or reject you in real life.

That’s a decent point. Sure it’s only 2 minutes extra, but time 10+ deliveries, stop number 10 or 11 is now running 20+ minutes later than if you met them out front.

I’d give him a dollar.

Hey Niko, it’s your cousin Roman, you are hungry!

working his way up to ass pennies

I read this as I picked up the phone to answer a customer call. I had to bite back a laugh so freaking hard it hurt.

Because science is a liberal lie intended to make baby jesus cry.

I’ll get excited if they ever bring back volcano nachos.

it’s not a bug, it’s a feature.

beef bourguignon would be a logical first one. It’s basically unscrewupable and delicious. 

yes. The other 7,650,121,999 are all 100% on board Flamin Hot Cheetos^tm.

My inner animal immediately said “yes” the second I saw that picture.

*pager buzzes and he stands up

Or you know, if called at the restaurant, just apologize and let them know you are an on-call doctor.

Better competition

I like taco dates. Like there is nothing that can go wrong.

You can always take yourself for a breakfast date?

Taco bell is just terrible. But every couple months... the craving sets in and nothing quite hits it like a chicken baja chalupa and nachos bellgrande washed down with a Baja blast.

I know this was a long time ago, but wouldn’t the logical next step to make a chicken skin double down?