I stay fit by always eating whichever one she decides not to eat, in addition to my own lunch and dinner.

He also flies helicopters on rescue missions. He's pretty legit.

I walked down the aisle to that song. In 2013. People on the beach were dancing, and so was I.

This might be my husband's favorite book.

The king of all celebrity memoirs:

Fair enough.

I was just thinking this. This is a new positive Jez and I love it!

I'm always keeping up the plane with my thoughts too. Someone has to do it.

Mark, I cannot fall asleep on a plane because I believe my worry helps keep it aloft.

WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF FIRST, YOU MISERABLE BLUESIE? #TEAMSOLIDGOLD

Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman

I had the weirdest sex dream that Chris Pratt was my friend, we were hanging out, then he wanted to try on my bra (wtf, brain?) and we ended up making out. It was so strange and so fucking hot.

At this point I'm more familiar with JLo's breasts than my own.

Poor Giuliania Rancic.

I love the way moms everywhere sign their texts "Love Mom"

Just Kids is one of the most important books in my life. I could re-read it endlessly.

Two years ago I was sitting at LAX waiting for a plane and PATTI SMITH sat down across from me. She had a really cool case with a bunch of stickers and writing all over it. I just froze and tried to enjoy being near her without being a total creep. I don't think she noticed me noticing her but I still regret not…