Jason Segel is tall, broad shouldered, with a deep voice and great sense of humor. I don't have a huge crush, but he's attractive in a relatable way.

This is what I liked when I was 8 I'M FREAKING OLD, OKAY?

My favorite song when I was 8: I Love a Rainy Night by Eddie Rabbit. I have a vivid memory of being so excited when he sang it on Solid Gold.

OMG that is me! "the Scandinavian School of Forgiveness, which is where you eliminate problems by simply coldly cutting people out of your life with no warning or explanation and then move on stoically as if nothing ever happened". I totally didn't realize it was a cultural/genetic thing. Is is wrong that I am…

GOD MARIA, DON'T BE A MARTYR, GET A CART

I think this falls under the same category as Amanda Bynes. You know, stuff we shouldn't be gawking at. '#takesomemeds' indeed...

Her kid was probably like, "Jesus, mom. Put some Pinot Gris in that Nalgene."

What about these kinds of dick pics?

I'm so glad that my mentally ill sister isn't famous. Otherwise, I'd have to read about her daily exploits on Jezebel where the writers would make catty jokes about the things she wears and says and does.

I AM SO UPSET ABOUT THIS DEVELOPMENT WITH THE FREDDIE MERCURY BIOPIC.

My grandma dated Willie Nelson. She ended it because apparently he was "too uptight."

Was anyone else expecting an Algar-esque "I like to play" conclusion to this vid?

My grandma had sex with Frank Sinatra. "drops mic"

It's not human beings who have no self-control. It's Geoffrey Miller having no self-control while using Twitter.

The Resting Bitch Face shouldn't be confused with the Bitchin' Rest Face.

"She wears skirts when she rises a bicycle. She eats Sonic Breakfast Burritos, even if she's not hungover."