We at the Jalopnik staff went through a lot of alternate headlines for this article. Here are some:

Call me crazy but I like that Mansory. It's not just that it's got carbon stuck all over it, it's that basically EVERY body panel has been replaced with a carbon fiber panel instead. That, plus 1600hp. Absolutely insane.

False.

Really? This is our threads now?
I'll bite. I think the current SL is great looking.

Same old, same old.

I don't think they should drop the prices, they should include more features standard. Imagine the field day their PR department would have if all Cadillacs came with heated/cooled/massaging seats standard? Or some other new toy that you have to go German for?

It's gonna be 4 very soon. When the Z06 hits the ground, then it's the four kings of wonderland. Yes, yes, yes i know Hellcat, but c'mon five kings just doesn't sound right. The Z06 will get the iron throne though

You forgot this development mule pickup spotted recently in Auburn Hills.

Zonda R. Not street legal, too loud for tracks. Basically 100% useless, even if it is absolutely amazing.

I'm all for hatchbacks and wagons, but I want to kill this one with fire.

V6 Challenger, because really, you should have gotten a V8.

Worst version of any car? How about worse version of a body style?

Viper

"...Well, Mercedes. You have given birth to a healthy baby Dodge Viper." -I'm sure the dad is pissed.

And better looking than an Enzo too.

This is a 360.

2015 Camry:

You can't complain about the nosecone on the Model S when the Foursixteen shows that its absence looks out of place.

Also, when you make a list of the most awesome functional intakes, this should win:

I'm just gonna be that guy.