lol forgive me

i am proposing legislation that requires everyone working in the WH to watch all of The West Wing.

i guess we’re here for different reasons. you might want important gestures of investigative whatever, but all i want is to know which brand of underwear people like the best. i just have all this money and dont know what to do. give me #sponcon or give me death.

i have served my purpose. everyone is so angry. i like to think i 9/11'd this comment section and all it took was some meta jokes. just gotta put the dynamite in the right spot.

the problem is that mothers are also women. very confusing. mothers who are women who are single? mothers who are women who are single who are working? what am i supposed to think about that?!

everyone’s gotta be so edgy. all i want are cooking recipes and to know which car goes the fastest. now i have to read about how “brave” journalists are as theyre thrown in the Gulag. so boring.

guys, seriously, did you not learn? dont poke the bear. look what happened before. Donald Trump thinks he can legally murder you. stick to celebrity news and product promotion. just let someone else poke the bear for a little bit.

dont forget the earthquakes! Oklahoma: What earthquakes? I’ve never felt an ear - wooOOOooooOOOoaaaHHHhhhhHHHHhhh - thquake here before.

it is my deeply held religious belief that Kreg is the one who should shut up, and I wont have my religious beliefs infringed upon by the likes of Kreg. id also like to see his papers, if he has them even.

first amendment motherfucker

and VAMPIRES?!?! we have no method of detecting vampires. we know theyre out there and we know they hate us but these Liberals hate America so much that they probably want vampires to invade Our Great Nation. i am kept awake at night thinking about how i could die at any time. please help

I imagine film is the best medium for inspiring empathy and giving a face to an oppressed people, but the people who need to see these images the most, won’t. How do we get Fox News viewers to tune in?

seriously! how do we know the chaos in Central America isnt a hoax? has anyone actually been there? i think there is a definite probability that these women and children are just looking for a free vacation. how do we know they arent Al-Qaeda Children like the ones we were forced to kill in Yemen? smdh

the New Testement is part of the Quran, right? argh those damn intolerant Muslims

this is so meta right now

As The Nation notes, black women make up 44 percent of women in jails, and nearly a third of women in jail nationwide have serious mental-health issues.

thanks for the shitty morning. can you at least wait until i start drinking before posting about how terrible being alive is? like, noon?

what if it spilled on a bear’s nest or whatever? what if a coyote slipped in it? would you drink 84 gallons of oil? i rest my case.