“I rarely have full-blown all-three-holes sex with a stranger, but I have.

his new pick will be a literal pit viper

Judging by the impressive turnout around the world for the March for Science, it’s going to be really, really hard to argue against them from here on out.

“Another Obama appointee?! These people are everywhere.”

in ‘92 he was arrested for unpaid parking tickets and in ‘13 he did four months for selling weed, so this is a third strike. to prison, forever!

this is just like Romeo and Juliet

the President is exempt from copyright law; remember Obama’s Gin and Juice parties? royalty-free, baby.

ded

this is what im here for

The London Jaguars sounds like a NYC musical street gang.

It could fund the entire budget of the State Department and the Labor Department, and still have enough left over to purchase every NFL team except the Jaguars and shut them down, so the Jaguars would win the Super Bowl, by default.

its always comforting when people think the same way they look

“Why isn’t this working?!?”

every abusive movie dad who yells at his son for missing free throws has this guy’s face

Frankly, they both lost, and it’s obvious why each did; but the one who performed even worse than the other election loser has managed the feat of appearing to be the one who knows all. Maybe gender is involved? Please advise.

for those of me who dont know who Heather MacDonald is, she’s a white supremacist who is stuck in 1991, an advocate for broken-windows policing and racial profiling.

“Hello, 911, what’s your emergency?”

telling them that Republicans could be open to funding some of their pet causes–like saving American lives–if they’ll vote to fund the wall.

my dealer was arrested in the park selling to a guy, but they just wanted the buyer because he had been breaking into car windows, and my dude was let go. hooray blue states!