I swear, men are so stupid. Zero people want pictures of our dicks.

What the fuck tiny apartment has a dishwasher?

Faraday Future: So bad even KPMG can see there’s a problem

KPMG? One of the top accounting firms?

My favorite response was “There has never been a terrorist attack at my house. I masturbate incessantly. Draw your own conclusions.”

John Daly calls that a Thursday.

Meanwhile, the actual rich people will continue to fly on their own jets and completely avoid TSA and the rest of the cattle call experience.

I can only become so erect.

I would still find it reasonable.

dating in New York as a 30-something executive in private equity

His definition of “full head of hair” is pretty loose.

Window seat and Wild Turkey - you’re my Southwest airlines twin.

Because if he doesn’t, I’ll cough on his kids

the Bears are done with Jay Cutler

There will never be “enough” of the M2.

Justification is an amazing thing. Usually flows out of entitlement.

you can buy 360s for $65k., or $15k less than a Yukon Denali. Now go back to thinking about universal basic income.

...says the guy who’s never seen the Chicago River.

Getting tackled by a girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Now getting tackled by a kicker...

This guy was never going to go anywhere. Americans really aren’t libertarian anyway.