I don't talk to Bob anymore. He knows why.

It might take some explaining to my current wife, but I'm game if you are.

I didn't see her, but Canada's a pretty big place.

*America anxiously checks under bed for scary clowns*

Solidarity and best wishes from Canada on this difficult day, America.

Gilded toilets with perpetual sewage backup.

A four-year vacation? That's the best news I've heard all day!

Awwwww look, he's trying to use "your" and "you're" in the same sentence. That's adorable! He was only one apostrophe away from pulling it off. Go ahead, see if you can use "too" and "to" in a sentence.

Are you suggesting we all get boards with nails in them?

Sad!

Yeah, it falls apart pretty badly upon inspection. I freely confess, though, I'm a quivering coward when it comes to ghosts in movies, and I'm a COMPLETE quivering coward when it comes to little kid ghosts (the girl in the tent). I saw this as an adult and it still messed with my head. It's not a good movie, but I put…

*cue ominous approach of grizzly bear in the parking lot*

Trump 2020
The world's already burning, why stop now?

Wait, THAT was the best picture you could get??

He does have all the best ones. Just ask him.

The monorail picture made me laugh. Tim Kaine shouldn't have stopped for that haircut.

Honest Trailers can be good for a laugh when they really nail it, but I really hate it when they pander to the audience. When they did their Honest Trailer for the Oscars 2016 and said "we didn't see Brooklyn and neither did you" (cuz it wouldn't be cool if you saw a small-budget Irish film, amirite?) Never mind that…

Don't say 'piss.' It triggers them and they all converge on a hotel. We wouldn't want to do that to the cleaning staff.

I'm twelve hours late on the 'your' comment. Well played.

Well, at least this one uses upper case letters and the correct 'you're'. That's something. His conviction that we spend time reflecting on why the assholes look down on us is misguided, though. Look, if we spend time reflecting on that, there would be less time to watch the poo-poo video.