witchcraft.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is a photo of Jeffrey Wells. Straight men are so delusional.

Let’s take a moment to look at the stunning beauty that is Jeffrey Wells...

Seems more effective than “it’ll putt hair on your chest,” which is what I was told. I’m a girl.

That crap is international, and I don’t know why.

I asked my mom and she said her mom told it to her! Who knows how far back that story goes.

It struck me that the way I wrote it made my sister sound potentially like a monster and not the 13 year old jerk she was. Yeah, she was just doing sister jerk stuff and I was so gullible.

So when I was a kid my mum’s boyfriend was a grade-A douchenozzle for various reasons but this was his crowning achievement;

When I was a kid, my mom told me thunder was caused by the clouds bumping into each other. I believed this for much longer than I should have.

That is probably the best fuck up a kid lie I have ever heard.

When I was four my sister told me that Aunt Jemima was my biological aunt. I didn’t question it for another three years.

I’m the liar.

My family moved from New Hampshire to Minnesota during the middle of 4th grade in 1988. My parents felt guilty, I guess, because at the end of the year they let me adopt one of the classroom pets, a white rat, even though we had a cat.

My parents convinced me and my brother that if we were bad they would send us off to a man named ‘mr.simmons’ and he would keep us until we would COMPLY. My sister also pretended to believe this but she was IN ON IT. There was even a name and number in our phone book and when we were bad they would get it out and say…

My mom convinced me that people could change their race.

When I was really young, like eight maybe, my family was friends with some neighbors. They were all white except for the oldest son. I was a kid in a super white town, so confused kid me asked my mom how white people could have a black child. My mother, rather…

My dad completely convinced me that cows who lived in mountainous areas had shorter legs on one side of their body so they could graze on the sides of hills. I 100% believed him. So in fifth grade, when we were learning about evolutionary adaptations in animals, like those fish who live in caves that don’t have eyes,…

When I was 15 I had just ended things with my first boyfriend. Very shortly following our break up, his best friend, Andrew, started messaging me and speaking to me constantly. I thought Andrew was just a nice person, and I was friendly with my ex so I didn’t really think it was weird. We started to talk more and more…

When I was a young naive high school lass, I found out my at-the-time-boyfriend had cheated on me. Heart broken, I immediately brought the allegations to his attention and he admitted to them, but explained I was, in fact, confused about the situation. You see she had STOLEN his pants from him and the only way for him…

Last year I went to Europe in the school holidays. When I got back, one of my students told me that she had also been to Europe. She said a famous Youtuber (can’t remember his name) had asked her to go to London with him and she had flown from Brisbane to London, stayed in London two nights and flown home. I was very…

When I was little I went through a phase where I was plotting to run away with a sleeping bag and sleep outside somewhere. I was also, unrelatedly, super scared of dogs. So when my mom caught wind of my plan to run away, she told me that all dog owners let their dogs run free at night. I continued to believe this for…