The depth of my current shame knows no bounds...

Shouldn’t that be T-1000?

I’m just glad we can finally focus on the real victim, his dad’s stash of pretzels.

Oh my poor, poor Drew. There is nothing more wrong than this:

When people call the NHL a Mom and Pop league I didn’t realize it was because they’re not letting us go out with our friends on school nights.

I don’t doubt the NBA would love their pets in OKC to win big to justify their role in stealing the team away from their original city.

I would never call a team that employs Prince Fielder “gutless.”

Charge your phone.

To be fair, your overly sensitive (is there any other kind?) feminism makes you attractive to 0% of men and 100% of cis Jezebel readers.

It would be a tapestry of umbilical contortions to lose Emmitt.

Man, on the heels of B.o.B.’s bullshit earlier this week, it’s like everybody has to disagree with Newton.

1. The Shoe

ESPN, the World Wide Leader in DERP.

I-35 and research blvd, ebony.

That must be the most infuriated she’s been in all her 4 years as a Seahawks fan.

Have we heard from Magary? Is he alive? That was a brutal loss even for a non-Vikings fan to watch.

I like this guy.

THEY DON’T EVEN HOVER

You’re 3 stars.

It's like Hunter couldn't believe both of his i's.