Jeeeesus Christ can she stick those landings.

That hug is making me tear up. I’m such a sucker for the Olympics.

No snark, Hannah Storm handles these unfortunate and unenviable reports with aplomb, striking just the right balance of professionalism and humanism.

This is awful news. John Saunders was great at his job.

more like Leonidas of ‘Roids.

I, for one, welcome tiny women dunkers.

To celebrate, everyone in the green pool!!!

Men’s Swimming Olympic Gold Medals since 1896:

Unsure what will happen when I run out of planets tbh.

Listen, we can all enjoy Dicky jacking as many dongs as he wants, but deep down we know that shaft wouldn’t be worth a sack of balls against the Big Unit.

How come all the guys named “Goddamn” are stuck sitting in the upper deck? And why are their surnames always space-related?

I miss the good old days when saying “I’m going to college to get my degree!” meant something completely different.

Lawyer: We’re going to get to the bottom of this.

God, I couldn’t imagine how embarrassing that must have been. I mean, being identified as, “RealMarlinsFan”? Just kill me.

Fantastic, now I need to go dig up all of my victims and put them somewhere else. Thanks, Nintendo!

As for Crowell admitting he was wrong and acted out of rage — Loomis says, “You’re a grown ass man, and you claim you were too emotional to know it was wrong? Think we’ll accept your apology? Kiss my ass.”

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

Wes Welker then went home and gave a similar interview to his desk lamp.

Well, that's one way to tailgate

This is absolutely disgusting.