Dear Heath,

I posses none of the qualities that you require.

I am lazy, thoughtless, self-absorbed, forgetful, and ... well ... I'm just plain awful.

On the bright side, my egregious faults and self-obsession will make your own ego seem insignificant by comparison. You will be on the receiving end of many "pity…

Or "different crowd" = "different region." Don't be an unnecessarily rude prick.

Denim is cotton twill, and the name originated from "de Nimes", the city in France where it originated. I am a fount of useless information.

If we made the banknotes entirely out of Spandex it'd be easier to make our money stretch.

I don't need a fat pact with someone. I just need women in my life who like to live healthy, eat well, get active and WON'T TALK ABOUT THEIR WEIGHT in the process. I love being active. I love eating healthy. I love working out. I would even like to shed some pounds. But i don't want to talk about my weight, or…

"What? What was that, human? Is there something you want me to do? I can't quite hear you. You seem really upset, human. Tell you what, as soon as I'm done saving this indoor tree from the hoards of attacking coloredglassballs, I will c0me sit on your lap and purr. How does that sound? That's all you need, isn't…

That is hilarious! My cat has an "over this, bored now" look that cracks me up every time.

My dog (a mutt whose defining breed seems to be corgi) is constantly judging. People, animals, tv shows. He has this wonderful judgement face that is just 'I'm so over this bullshit'.

HA! Does he do that head tilt thing when he encounters an idiot? Because mine do and it is hilarious!

Cattle dogs are the best. Mine hates stupidity in other people as much as I do.

I'm very much on team cat, but I can't help but think dogs are also awesome*. They're smart, loving and just wonderful creatures. I keep thinking about getting my father, who is getting up there in years, a dog to keep him company.

Your apartment has six fucking rooms?!

Dude, my rehab writings were 3 spiral notebooks of pain. I wish Lindsay well in her recovery, but I would sooner invite people to watch my pap smear than have anyone read my so-called treatment plans.

Good gawd, that boy is pretty.

I think it has more to do with the words they use to voice their opinion. Both Sinead and Rashida used words like "Whore," "Prostitute," and "Porn."
This insinuates that sex workers- strippers, prostitutes, porn stars, etc.- are not worthy of respect and the worst thing you could compare someone to. It's one thing to…

I INSIST THAT YOU EXPLAIN IMMEDIATELY.

My Christmas tree is similar, it is decorated with empty beer cans.

Nothing says sexy like Methylchloroisothiazolinone.

Yes, I dont know what all the rest of life is supposed to be about anyway.

Oh, you're 100% entitled to your feelings, whatever they are, but you are not a fuck up. Remember, the only way to win the Game of Mommy Thrones is not to play!