.....I know....how many contestants on “Jeopardy” have come back from commercial to hear, “During the break.....”

Yeah, I feel bad for her, but then this whole situation is a lot closer to “really unfortunate” than a “great injustice.”

Dammit Kim! Did you really just divulge the secret of our fucking awesome summers? Someone will be at your home within the hour to move your ass to Yakima.

Perhaps there is a spray that smells like roast pork and atheism?

My aunt gave me some great advice when I was a single mom with a newborn, and people were giving me shit because I let him sleep with me sometimes in his first year. She said, “If you and the baby are alive and you able to stay sane, then you’re doing alright.”

Can’t have “panties” without “moist”. Sorry, thems the rules.

Creepiest word ever!!! Thank you for recognizing this haha. I have full conversations about how creepy that word is

Both the flask and the panties (God, I hate that word) have 5 star ratings? Seems legit.

I honestly wonder if she’s not wearing them backwards - the front covers all the way just down your thighs, but the back can’t even cover a full butt cheek?

Why the fuck would anyone pay $50 for a bundle of sage, a feather, and a seashell?

Oh holy problematics, batman!

UO “We’re equal opportunity offenders”

Those are hideous.

After years of being compared to a bleached, bakery product, you get used to it.

I always like it when my ethnic group is compared to Miller Lite, don’t you?

Or like a cross to a Vampire. “The power of Pork compels you!”

Hey Jim-Bob? Did you done did skin a mouse and hang it on my door?

That anti-Islamic people continue to think that bacon is to Muslims as kryptonite is to Superman is so hilarious.

Great. Can I wrap a used tampon around the door to a gun shop?

I was driving to San Diego in one of those 10 people vans once for work. Coworker was in the passenger seat. There was so much traffic that it'd take another 30 minutes to get to our destination. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been holding it since we left LA 3 hours prior. That instant, we switched places…