Friend says "Man, having kids - it changes your life."
"You know what else changes your life?" I said. "Uninterrupted sex 12 times a week."

My wife and I decided not to have kids because we didn't want them to go through the messy divorce that would have been inevitable if we'd had kids.

say "um, sure, ok...."

my redneck father made me get my head cut to stubble when i got lice at age 10

she was less thrilled when she realized that over $600,000 of that will go to Uncle Sam.

Marijuana cures cancer. look it up. this tit-chopping is not necessary.

Some kids come out and the family is like "um, yeah..... we knew before you did, kiddo."

never comply with cops. even if you do, they will fuck you over. "I do not consent to this" is all you have to say.

"Yes, it is because you are black. Sheesh - is this your first day in America or something...?"

"Grow pot."

Justin Trudeau, who everyone loves to say is a great speaker and who studied drama, cannot speak off-the-cuff. He says "um, "uh", "like", and "y'know" more often than a hockey player in a post-game locker-room interview.

What if hate is all that keeps you going......?

wonder how many cigarettes she smoked during the pregnancy

dimples a mile deep.

Cannabis Extract Fights 'Incurable Form' of Leukemia