If it was called the VA club, there'd be a lot more people in their sixties smoking cigarettes outside, talking about how the world's going to hell and how their doctor doesn't seem to understand how much their knees hurt.

It will have, if nothing else, the loudest soundtrack mix in cinematic history. (WH represent!)

A fair number of hunting rifles are semi-automatic. Not to mention that most .22 rifles are also semi-auto, like the omnipresent Ruger 10/22. Mechanically, the difference between this:

…..dochofrogel? (Double chocolate frosted bagel.)

"That can be arranged!"

It's like a sport invented by somebody who's really not into sports.

Not to mention the utterly ridiculous rules of Quidditch. Surely I'm the first person to notice this, right?*

Thank you! If anything, it's more likely to be thin and runny. It is the vilest-smelling, though.

I'm with Cappadocius here. Of all the livestock I've raised, pigs on average had the thinnest, runniest shits. Vilest-smelling, too.

In eight years of life, my dog has never learned to watch the ball leave my hand before running a hundred yards in the direction of the "throw."

You guessed it…Frank Stallone.

I think most of us know rape is bad. Those of us who don't know are not going to suddenly see this video and come to some brilliant realization that they shouldn't do it.

"Wait, like actual shit?"

Or cocaine!

A lot of people got sick when they first opened Star Tours, because the movement was about a quarter-second behind the video. When your nervous system discovers that your senses aren't in synch, it says "Oh shit, I've been poisoned," and responds accordingly.

"Ca-ble?" You mean the cable that connects my router to the wall?

I get why he's sticking in until the convention, but I hope everybody makes nice at least a couple weeks beforehand and he "suspends" his campaign.

Do you have recommendations for a hotel or B&B nearby?

"I'll bet you're gay!"

I believe he blamed his loss on those stick figure family decals.