I never said they’re awful and shameful. I said their fetish is.

You know what has 4k textures and no lag? Going for a fucking walk, you ridiculous goons.

Go back and reread what I wrote. I’ve not said anything about your fantasies being comparable to rape. Nothing.

I’m sure you’re triggered right now and so you don’t care

I’d love to watch some “sex-positive” first-world fourth-wave feminists explain to survivors of war crimes in the Democratic Republic of the Congo how sexy-time rape-play is totally cool and does not at all trivialize the globalized ritual punishment of women by men.

Oh, totes. My fetish is putting my partner in blackface and whipping him like a slave. It gives me like, all the orgasms! Don’t kink-shame me!

Hey, be careful, you might kink-shame her!

If you watch any of their awful games on YouTube, it’s clear that as terrible as she is, Gre’Shonda Morton is the only one on the team who’s even seen a basketball game.

Should we take it as a good sign that he moves his feet a little bit while on the ground? Anyone with a bit of medical knowledge able to speak to whether or not this indicates that his spinal column is intact?

Wow. This fun fact inspires an interesting question: what adult could possibly give a fuck?

On the other hand:

This isn’t mine, but my mother’s: when she was seven, she went out with her family to a turkey farm to pick out a turkey. After getting chased and pecked for a half hour by angry birds, my tearful mother resigned herself to waiting in the backseat of the car while my grandparents finished up their business.

Yup.

What’s he supposed to do? You gotta get Lou Williams Marcelo Huertas his minutes.

Garbage sport with too many rules. Watching a game of football feels like watching Calvinball — a new clause pops up every time someone moves more than three feet.

Basic.

Frozen tells girls that it’s healthy to embrace and not suppress those qualities in them that make them unique or different. Very standard, marginally progressive coming-of-age themes any normal human being would recognize as healthy, but if your brain is diseased enough to seek out evil liberal agendas in everything,…

Garbage sport with garbage rules that world’s foremost experts and practitioners can’t follow or practice. Every fucking week there’s a game decided by some bozo’s half-aware interpretation of a rule buried so deep in the handbook it hasn’t seen the light of day in three years.

Reading this reminded me of the dear, departed Pathetic Geek Stories:

Just change Europe to USA and Muslims to black people and you could easily imagine an argument for forced deportation to Africa.