Watching these donations go up and up and up is SO MUCH MORE FUN than doing my real job today.

The national Boy Scouts organization isn’t great but many Boy Scouts from multiple states marched in NYC Pride this year!

guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll please

Fact.

I don’t know what any of this means, tbh

ok normal people can be a fifth wheel

DINNER:

Yeah...her birth announcement sure sounded like she was happy to be having another bundle of joy. I’m sure the kid will love reading how excited it's mother was when she found out 😒. I've seen people take a cancer diagnosis with more zeal.

Your tabs make a story for people with no time on their hands when read left to right. It looks like you met a gay guy named Ryan, emailed him, fucked him, got pregnant, met his wife and was surprised, so you slept on it and woke up to kill him in grief and hysteria, then when the cops came to get you, you went down…

Where did you find a picture of me and my mom on the internet, Madeleine

Well this girl was proven to be the biological child of her white parents, so I feel like anything can happen? Genetics are weird sometimes.

That’s not what black Irish means, black Irish means that you are a white Irish person with dark hair and dark eyes.

Megan is stunningly talented. Putting her as McPhee’s second fiddle was reasons 101 that show never worked. That being said, I loved the shit out of it. Angelica Huston singing September Song made me so, so happy.

Smash definitely was not the greatest show, but I will forever be grateful that it introduced me to Megan Hilty. It was almost laughable that they expected us to buy that McPhee would be a contender for Marilyn over her.

Your cat is ME if I had the intestinal fortitude to get blackout drunk.

your cat sounds fucking incredible tbh

Except Ferrari guy. In the midst of all this evil-minded douchebaggery, Ferrari guy seems cheerful and benign.

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

The mother proceeds to tell my manager that I was extremely rude to them and that I lied to them about the wait time because I was “discriminating” (wat) against them.