Didn't you know? When a virgin gets married, her vagina trains itself to open to the exact size and shape of her husband's penis. All he has to do is say their magic word and BAM. Virgin-tight good girl vagina is ready for him and him alone. And then it closes up again after he orgasms. But the 'whore' sleeping…

Shower what??? Really? Mind=blown. Honestly, that actually makes washing my bras regularly without resorting to a washing machine seem do-able.

Right?? The classic gun nut school safety argument goes something like: "We need guns to protect ourselves from overreach of government, so just go stick officers in every school!" Makes no sense whatsoever. If you want to protect people from overreach of government, channeling young scientists into the prison…

Impressive adulting, indeed! I don't know what I would have done, but I suspect it would have involved spewing awkward feels in every direction.

Because a free-standing water cooler is wildly insufficient. Post-abortion sips of water require the variable-flow drinking fountain because it is essential for your recovery that you get water all over your face, filtered through that one long lock of hair that just won't stay back in a ponytail with all the rest. …

Oh wow! That couch-surfing arrangement sounds painfully awkward. I'm sorry, I hope you've found new/better friends.

The only depressing part about that situation is that moment when you realize how long it's been since you've had time to socialize with someone outside of school, or the last time you and your partner spent time together that wasn't also in front of your laptops working on your theses.

We're so lucky :) Also, LOVE your screen name.

Aha! Being a reclusive misanthrope (or at least just bad at keeping in touch over the years) has definitely paid off.

This is hilarious and awesome. Thank you so much for sharing. I literally laughed out loud during a quiet study session (what? I'm taking a Jezebel break.).

Yes, I totally agree with you. There are certainly ways to interpret and report results in a sexist fashion, and it's entirely possible that the researchers here are doing just that. But we wouldn't know that because all the focus is on calling the science itself sexist.

I haven't read the actual study, but it sounds like they're looking for an interaction effect. If drinking causes your risk of liver disease to be 6, and obesity causes your risk of liver disease to be 2, does being an obese drinker make your risk of liver disease 6, 8, 12, or something else entirely?

If you plan on driving drunk, you effectively plan on murdering people with a deadly weapon.

They don't perpetuate the horny man/frigid wife stereotype, so they're not worth writing about!

Quick! Start a business masquerading as "gay conversion therapy" so you can secretly tell all of your child clients this! I'll donate to your Kickstarter. You will be a hero!

Yep, I've heard that. I've also heard that Anonymous has already responded to Westboro's threat. George Takei posted about Anonymous's rebuttal on Facebook - I guess they've already hacked Westboro's profile. So... great reason to not want your deceased daughter publicly identified, but also nice to see that the…

Your bee beard is doing you no favors. They don't allow bees in here.

And that is why I have so much respect for the chocolate muffin. How else are you going to eat chocolate cake for breakfast??

Was going to comment this, but since you beat me to it, replying to promote.

You're not the only one. Our whole job was taught to follow our passions, and now those same people are like, "What the hell? Why did you major in that? Why didn't you go into biotech (or similar)?" And none of them realize the irony of having said these two things.