Even with all the warnings, I was not ready for this. Fuuuuccccck. Nothing will make me sadder and angrier today.

A Facebook  Pornhub video they’d created about how to make chicken cordon bleu was racking up tens of thousands of shares.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’ll be watching WrestleMania because of a Kofi Kingston match. If they’re given enough time, Kingston and Bryan absolutely have the potential to put on a 5-star match.

Don’t you just hate it when the umpire show, which everybody clearly came out to see, is interrupted by some rude-ass baseball players? Hinch owes the paying customers big-time, imo.

As a fan of delicious hot dogs (which are NOT sandwiches), and a resident of the Greater Charlotte Area, I would gladly get a tattoo of the JJ’s Red Hots logo if meant free hot dogs for life.

You’re right, nothing will ever be this good. This even beats the Kim Kardashian car that Mike Bliss drove back in 2010:

Funny, I heard that the amount of time required in tanning beds to turn your skin that particular shade of orange causes cancer too.

All these independent contractors driving for Uber and Lyft now are essentially helping these companies stay afloat until they can be replaced by driverless vehicles. They’re financing their own replacements.

The pizza reheaters are definitely trying to increase the amount of crispy crust and cheese on their pizza. This is why leftover pizza reheated in a cast iron pan is so great: it gets crispier and the cheese gets more well-done.

Dianne Feinstein is alarmingly out of touch with the modern world and her base. She will be 91 years old at the end of her term. I’m not an ageist, but that’s a serious cause for concern. We’re expecting someone who is 91 years old to be a leader with progressive values?

One of the best burgers I ever had was topped with bacon jam, jalapenos, and cream cheese. It truly had it all: sweet, salty, spicy, and creamy, all in one bite.

No love for chocolate-covered raisins? They are the ideal movie theater snack: delicious, and nobody ever gets jealous that you’re eating raisins so you never have to share.

What do the unwritten rules say about this situation? Does Muncy get beaned later on for the bat flip, or do they pitch to him normally because it was a harmless fly out? I feel like somebody should write some of this shit down.

I think we have an early contender for the 2020 Name of the Year bracket.

So you’re telling me that a bunch of billionaires are so proud of nickel-and-diming their employees that they celebrate excellence in doing so with a cheap toy belt? It makes the $12 beer at the ballpark scam seem like small potatoes in comparison.

More proof that this is truly the darkest timeline.

Did the receipt have a link or phone number for a customer satisfaction survey at the bottom? Those surveys can work wonders when it comes to making things right. One time, I had a terrible experience at Wendy’s (waited 15 minutes for my food to come out, and when I got home I realized that my Baconator had but one…

If the bourbon barrel aged maple syrup goes away (or if it already has gone away), I will go on a french toast strike until TJ’s brings it back.

Double Salt is the way to go. Big fan of the DZ.

There’s no way this league doesn’t merge with the XFL next season, right? Double the dumpster fire, double the fun.