Thank you for your service. 

Don’t drink bottled water.

That’s an unusual place to keep them.

You ask if it has shrooms.

Andy Hamilton did a gag about mineral water bubbling through volcanic rocks for millions of years - only to have a two week shelf life once bottled.

I’ll wait for the G-rated Heckboy

Gladys Knight being on a reality competition is painful. Gladys Knight losing to Donnie Osmond and T-Pain is even more painful. Gladys Knight getting critiqued by Anti-Vaxx barbie and the girl who thought she was too good to be a Pussy Cat doll is the most painful thing I’ve ever read. I’m just going to pretend like…

Let us all snuggle into cashmere thoughts today.

To be fair, this was a long time ago, so I understand people not being aware that it exists.

He always does it as though it’s the real thing that he recorded while watching the movie

I think the point of this article is that I am not calorie counting and I do not even know what cut and bulks are. I just try to eat an enjoyable dinner with my family and do not give a shit about breakfast or lunch so I just eat the same thing every day out of laziness. I lift or jog or row at the gym to feel better…

It’s almost like “I Think I Can Beat The Black Panther” is a reference to “I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson.”

Or, and hear me out, they are both parodies of early Fresh Prince/ DJ Jazzy Jeff songs.

Apparently Crooked is now either Clinton, interchangeably, in an attempt to deflect from the charges he knows is coming.

Crooked’s lawyer made me smile because he is such an effin rat bastard. Stays on brand

I had to stop and think for a moment at that one, it's certainly not grammatically correct! Maybe Kim was approaching and he had to finish the Tweet as quickly as possible. 

Michael Cohen was one of many lawyers who represented me (unfortunately).

Just reinforcing his dad’s “Donald Jr. does not make good decisions” stance.

I have been on this kind of eating for about 1.5 years. I am ok with realizing my body wants to be 240-245 pounds. I eat a small and reasonable breakfast and lunch. What I am doing is replacing fat with muscle. I am not losing weight be I am lifting and jogging at the gym 12-18 times a month and looking and feeling…

As someone with a troubled relationship with food after losing a lot of weight, I found this inspiring. I’ve never heard of this concept before. Its tough to talk about, but thanks for posting.