I'm actually in the office and don't wear my boots, even though I could get away with it. My toughass wardrobe gets a tweak for the 9-5. And this is how you adult.

Best (by which I mean worst) experience ever, I was maybe 16 or 17 and wanted a new eyeshadow. I forget what counter I went to but the woman basically did half of my face, full-on club makeup and then refused to do the other half unless I bought something. I really didn't want the $20+ eyeshadow she was pushing so I…

You've just described me, right now.

The secret to cat eyes is to wear glasses. No one can tell if the lines are straight! It's heaven. Also, liquid is the devil. Get a really nice creamy, pigmented black pencil with a sharpened tip. so much easier to control. Waterproof ones will last just as long as liquid generally, and you won't get that awkward…

"Marsha and I always planned to have five children..."

George Harrison being made to pay when he inadvertently and unintentionally ripped off "He's So Fine" when he wrote "My Sweet Lord" didn't kill music, and this won't, either.

right? this is why copyrights exist and an appropriate use - so you can't claim someone else's work as your own.

You do not mess with Marvin.

... does Robin Thicke even have that kind of money? I doubt that divorce is going to be cheap, and I think only like 6 people bought Paula

As someone who worked in a restaurant for years, don't make that assumption. Men can fuck up a bathroom, yeah, but women can also be naaaasty. Put the changing station away from the urinals and it should be fine.

Now that all the Chris's are on Twitter, does that mean I need to get on Twitter?

He has a bit in his first special about being mad because no little league coaches ever tried to molest him. It didn't sit well with me or those with whom I was watching, and I've been a little hesitant to follow Ansari's career since. But, it was a while ago so I'll give him another chance. Sounds like he is going…

"Someone said feminism! Scramble the jets!"

"We decry the hate and violence espoused by an alumnus of Jesuit, and we ask all members of our family to unite in expunging this sort of nonsense from mainstream discourse and furthermore women'sbodiesarenottheirown."

But was anything gif worthy enough to take out last week's champ?