I mean, anecdotally-speaking, can tell you this is what happened to me. I was slowly growing more resentful that I was working 70+ hour weeks and somehow all of the domestic work was falling to me (even though he’s worked from home for 5 years before COVID).

I feel this so much. I envision my marriage as the two of us starting out on a boat together ready to sacrifice for each other and go on this wonderful journey. But after some floundering, he eventually says he doesn’t know how to row, and he didn’t pack the oars. So I got out and swam, pushing the boat for both of…

There’s a significant line of thought that holds that women’s friendships, and our definition of “support,” are problems for us as much as they are sustaining. Women tend to have a model of friendship that values telling each other that they are doing the right thing, that they are wonderful, and that’s helpful—but it…

Someone on here talked about when she was married, her husband bitched about how things weren’t done and why couldn’t she be a better wife and mom? So she divorced him. He ended up being late to most events and lived in squalor (worse than when they were married), but then she said, at least I didn’t have to put up…

Oh also living that struggle. I’m team recognize, he’s team ask.

I think that is the marriage you end up in if you feel like you need to get married to keep up with everyone else getting married, to have that dream wedding, to have kids by x age, to stop aunt Mabel from asking about it every Thanksgiving etc. And you end up with some dudebro. Getting married should be about finding…

Its SUPER cringey how much old humor was basically “oh boy, I sure do HATE my wife, I hope she dies, or at least I can die to avoid her!”

Mt husband does “a lot” in his mind but I wish he realized that “the ask” is a whole additional layer of labor that I am about to dropkick a stranger over. 

I don’t think a real partnership can exist without these deliberate choices. It may be a clinical process, it’s certainly not romantic, but it needs to be done.

One of the reasons I loathe Carolyn Hax is because she came up with this term bean counting and if you do it in a relationship, you’re an asshole because love or whatever.

In my experience it’s a two way street. It’s very easy to blame your spouse for “taking advantage” of behavior that you’ve internalized while growing up. That’s for you to fix. If you can get the point where you own your emotions and are able to set boundaries, and your partner still doesn’t get it, then it’s time to…

The romantic in me wants to disagree with you but the more I sit here and think about it...yea. My husband is wonderful and I do think our marriage is a very well balanced partnership... I also feel like I have spent a lot of time and energy teaching him on how to be a functioning adult so we could have more of a…

I have always been surprised by the number of people I know who seem to actively dislike their spouse and/or children. The societal pressure was strong, so they got married to someone who seemed good at the time, bought a house, popped at 2.5 kids, and generally distracted themselves from the conveyor belt of it all…

All of this, especially your last sentence. Divorce is often liberating as the men are then forced to bear total responsibility on their parenting days. If the man is not a dangerous abusive dickhead, forget full/primary custody. Joint custody is the way to go. Many women actually like their husbands better after…

they let societal expectations and/or children shape their choice to be in the relationship rather than it being a wholly conscious decision

Another issue to be factored into the perception is how much women have to support men in their “contributions”. We have to remind men of the pick up schedules, pediatrician’s number/visit/vaccination schedules, make the groceries list, find them all the supplies that are right there if they would just look. And that…

It’s especially awkward watching straight couples start to wither because they let societal expectations and/or children shape their choice to be in the relationship rather than it being a wholly conscious decision. My partner’s best friend’s marriage is going through a slow implosion because the husband seems intent…

Some of it needs to be obvious to be recognized, but it’s often down to how men and women are socialized. Generally, we [men] are socialized so that we do “manly” chores while women do the rest. We’re not trained in basic skills such as meal preparation, laundry, dish cleaning, and general household cleaning. So when…

I did a tally once, and my husband and I are about equal on average.

THANK YOU for saying this. I also came from a family where not only my mother got fucked over, but almost every single one of my aunts got fucked over. And some of those women are still in their marriages and tell me they’re happy. But, they sure as fuck don’t look happy.