My current cat is 20 and I’m 35 which means I’ve had her for more than half of my life. I’m constantly reminding myself that she may not be with us much longer but we just got bloodwork run at the vet and according to them she’s completely healthy other than that her kidneys are fuctioning at more like 90% than 100%.…

Have you ever heard a koala get aggressive? That sound haunts my dreams.

Fuck man, sounds like having a vicious toddler who shits everywhere from on high. I don’t even want a regular toddler.

It’s better with a dragon!

The ones with giant balls?

Seriously fuck whoever has this thing as a pet. It is a wild animal and should be in a preserve/its natural habitat. And if you’re going to have a crazy wild animal as a pet, for the love of Christ at least make sure it can’t escape your house so if it mauls or kills someone it’s YOU and no one else has to suffer from…

Kinkubus?

Well now I want to get a kinkajou and call it Incubus. Thanks a lot! :P

I’m a Grandma, and I always thought “innuendo” was an Italian suppository.

Like yours isn’t.

Yes. It is like the Futurama brain worm.

Pretty sure he was just there to steal her soul.

Yeah, some little girl ordered him and then he got bigger and started telling her she had no class and she got her dad to drop him off in the swamp.

One day, The Donald woke up to find his comb over curled on his head, asleep. He hasn’t had the heart to wake it up.

“lose a limb” how?

Actually, that was just the hair. Eventually it came in contact with the guy underneath it and now are bonded for life in symbiosis.

I initially read that as “kinky Jew”, and thought to myself: “well of course a 99-year old woman in Miami would find a kinky Jew on her chest, it’s probably her husband”.

This is where Donald Trump came from.

South Florida has all kinds of weird shit running around because people buy exotic pets and when they find out they are a bitch/expensive to take care of they just turn them loose on a golf course.