I now have the perfect image of Kylie Jenner farting while Justin Bieber gets slapped.

“WE ARE MILLENNIALS,” (the back of this one says, “Engage, share truth, apply scripture,”

(Or, fuck it, anytime.)

“25-year sentence for killing a 76-year-old man and dismembering the body. Matt reportedly tortured the victim, William Rickerson, for hours before breaking his neck”

Hold on - Matt tortured and dismembered an old man and only got 25 years, while Sweat got life for killing a cop?

it’s locally owned, and they charge five pounds for a bowl of fucking cereal. the place is pretty much a figurehead for bullshit. at least most poor people can afford subway and might even get some nutrition out of the meal

Well, obviously launching a physical assault on any business is not constructive, but I think the resentment long time residents might feel about a place that is clearly intended to serve the people pricing them out of their homes is understandable and not entirely unfair, independently owned or not. Those businesses…

I mean, doesn’t it though? It’s absurd. Why stop there? Why not promise every American a new car and wallets so full of hundreds it won’t close.

“Everybody’s taking our jobs!”

Why send that card back with her new promotion? That was so cruel.

The most horrifying, and also the most heart breaking section, lies at the end:

Yeah. If you want to see smug twinks, Grindr is free and you don’t have to buy a $10 coke.

Me too. He’s never going to see the inside of a prison cell, so the continuous tarnishing of his name and reputation is the best we can do. I almost wish I believed in hell so he could rot in hit when he died.

Revoking Cosby’s honorary degrees is public humiliation. I like it.

Ahem. I find many of them strangely magnetic.

Nope. I love a man bun. Men with long hair just do it for me and if they want to put it in a bun, I’ll be into that too. Awooooga.

But that’s the scary thing about Carson: He isn’t dumb. He is incredibly intelligent - about neurosurgery. That doesn’t mean he knows a damn thing about anything else.

What about Presidential candidates who are Christian? Should they be held to the same standard?

“any Muslim should “subjugate their religious beliefs to our Constitution””