He’s basically what the movie “Rookie of the Year” would have been if the kid had been Ben Shapiro. 

I’ve seen thicker skins on milk

I mean, on one hand there’s stuff like this, but on the other, I’ve played more incredible games over the past couple of years than I ever have before.

I think 30 Rock did an episode about how something awful can make you tons of money if you get enough investors involved in its making. Maybe just making a crap game is profitable for Fox?

Typical conversation with a Republican in 2019:

Those goal posts are the most stable piece of infrastructure in all of Chicago. 

It’s like those discount baskets of bread you find at the supermarket. Sure, you’re getting a deal, but then the baguette calls you a pussy and you realize why it was so easy to acquire.

I believe the children are our future.

While I want to believe he’s acting this way because Mueller is about to drop something, its probably more likely that he’s seeing Dems on TV more than him, so he keeps staging events to draw attention back.

And sure, everyone loves when a paleontologist finds some petrified dinosaur shit, but when I...

Oh sure, when a paleolithic hunter leaves his old spear tips lying around it’s an ‘significant archaeological discovery,’ but I leave a Doritos bag and you call it littering. Sounds like a double standard to me.

How hard is it to make a salad anyway? You can even make several up days in advance, as long as you keep the dressing separate.

Any “political” reporter who asks an elected official about this at a time when the government is shut down, we’re officially at war in multiple countries and climate change exists should be fired immediately.

While working on this I remarked at how amused I was to find in an early-80s “the Hidden NFL” video that the Raiders had a Mr. Coffee in the locker room all the players were lined up to pour from at halftime.

Not me, the coffee we have at work is ass.

I can do both, but I’d much rather drink the free coffee provided by my employer. 

college men are adopting the language of feminists, focusing on abuse against women.

and another reason that nobody should attend.  Though the human rights issues should have been enough.  But since this actually impacts soccer fans hopefully it keeps them home. 

Oh my god. This immediately brought to mind the scene in Kill Bill where the hospital attendant had been assaulting her while she was in her coma and just jesus fucking christ. This poor woman.

Yeah, good thing girlfriend’s not in charge of the negotiations.