[fucking dying]

I have a hard time understanding something.

To decide on the opening day first baseman, Terry put Ike Davis and Lucas Duda on opposite ends of the clubhouse. Then, they brought in a dog and placed him in the middle and have each player call out to him. Whichever player the dog went to, that player would start at first on opening day. Naturally, because this is…

Complications Include:

Daniel Murphy's wife is having a baby...

I feel like we're seeing more and more of these non-stories on deadspin lately. Still love the site, but good LAWD, what kind of quota are they pushing?

If by "screw them over" you mean keep the tournament schedule tight, I totally agree.

Or you could tell a bunch of models you wanted to do a photoshoot, stab them all to death, then say it was a straw man shoot. That's pretty much the same thing as what happened...right?