So he's your friend and you call him a moron? What do you call your enemies? Does he even know he's your friend?

I think the New York Times has earned quotes around "America's paper of record."

In baseball, if a player gets caught corking a bat or putting pine tar on a ball, he gets kicked out of the game, even if your team is winning 12-0. Managers get tossed all the time, too. They get sometimes get suspended, too. And yet baseball shrugs and says, "Serves him right." In football, if you dare threaten…

If Beyoncé fans decide our political leaders, I'm taking a coma pill.

What do you have against Kieu Freed?!

It all worked out with a goal for the Stars. And per the NHL's loose interpretations, the ref was given the second assist.

I still prefer the Shawn Marion Shove.

Feel better?

But they were most assuredly all Chicago residents, because they can't be trusted with guns.

But they still don't draw like a winner should.

I was with some of my family and friends at a restaurant, finishing up a meal. My nephew glances up at the one television on the wall says, "That guy just threw a punch" in a matter-of-fact tone. We all turned around and watched...and pretty soon the whole restaurant had gotten up and was standing in front of the…

There's no "team" in "LeGarrette".

I shave in the shower, so anything that's portable and easy to apply is preferable. Barbasol fits the bill.

I shave in the shower, so anything that's portable and easy to apply is preferable. Barbasol fits the bill.

Eric Gagne says 6 starts is 6 too many.

Long bad shot = long rebound possibility? Not Kobe's problem.

The only important thing missing from this story was a picture. I can tell if a person cheats by how good looking she is.

If it doesn't, will you be sad?

By judging people by their age and color ("old white people") instead of their values and beliefs, you're just another bigot.

You call that a Picket Fence?

Carolyn Egan is probably going to be hearing from Jimbo Fisher. She obviously didn't read her Florida State playbook.