This guy here thinks the NFL is uniquely evil in the world of sports. Oh boy, have I got bad news for you...

On the plus side, Everson Griffen is experiencing a mental health episode that threatens his, in order of importance, life, family and career. Really excited for a bird to land on the roof of the Death Star and it collapses. 

That... was an interesting choice. 

It’s why he always looks like someone jumped out of the bushes to startle him. Not even he can believe he’s getting away with it.

Don’t worry. My team loves to cycle through special teamers like Tinder dates, but if you’re a bad Special Teams Coordinator who wants to round up every gay on Earth onto a single island and nuke it until it glows, you’ll have a job for life. 

I have, from time to time, pondered what the opposite of a neck would look like. I don’t know what it’s called, but I now know what it looks like. 

Fair. And at least he didn’t beat his children! (that we know of...it may not be fair but I just presume assault and battery is part of every NFL player’s resume). 

Nothing golden can stay.

The good and bad of Zimmer is that he has no filter. He’s not bombastic or show-y, but he’s not going to hold back his honest thoughts most of the time (even when he should). I love the guy, but I’m a jaded Vikings fan who still wakes up from a Mike Tice-fueled nightmare from time to time.

No, my good sir. No. He was never more exciting than peak Adrian Peterson. Hell, he wasn’t more exciting than peak Arian Foster or Chris Johnson. He’s been very, very good and very available for very long. That’s impressive enough. 

Jeremy Shockey! Let’s remember some f’in’ guys!

Weirdly, Frank Gore is almost exactly what you want out of a modern NFL running back (who isn’t on a rookie contract). He produces at the low end of the top third of running backs, has a very team-friendly contract, can run, catch and pass protect, and most importantly, is available every week. He’s not so good that…

I think his anger stems from his suffering from the oddest form of male pattern baldness ever witnessed by medical science. 

Didn’t Rich Gannon have an MVP season late in his thirties after a mostly journeyman-level career?

Here’s the problem: it is a bullshit rule, but a properly called penalty. He lifted and landed with all of his weight. Now, is it possible for him not to do this? Probably not. It's a stupid rule. But your blog title states that the penalty was bullshit, and it was properly called. 

I know a tie never feels good, but when your kicker misses that many field goals, you deserve the L. 

It actually makes sense. Like, have you ever sharted, just a little? The mistake most make is to freak out and try and clean up. The right move is to actually lean into it and explosively and excessively shit your pants. People will think you’re a lunitic and the stench will scare most off, and that’s when you strike!

This season will definitely inspire a sequel to the movie. Moneyballier? A Good Day to Moneyball? 

Here’s something that nobody is talking about, and lines up with your comment about the mobility: Rodgers is pudgy! He's got a lil donut around the midsection. He's never been a workout warrior, but he's letting it go a bit, it seems. 

It is astonishing that someone exists who’s not just eaten cold cuts. How do you make a sandwich without eating one/a few/half the bag of smoked turkey? How do you not toss back a handful of thin, salty, fatty ham while you’re making your morning omelette? What other terrible things do you do? Do you put water on your…