Manziel ate dinner, gambled, and partied wearing a blonde wig, mustache, glasses, and hoodie, going by the name “Billy.”

“Fine, Chip. We’ll make sure it’s a White Christmas.”

I like this guy.

But enough about the NFL’s relationship with its fans...

If you were to tell 4th grade me that I would one day make a living blogging multiple times a day about Leonardo DiCaprio, first I’d be like, “what’s a blog” and then I would have exploded from happiness.

“It’s the fucking Redskins. No one will blame you if you unload with both barrels.”: A History of United States Territorial Expansion Policy

George W. Bush: [sits in grade school classroom]
Aide: [tells him 9/11 happened]
Bush: [sits]
Bush: [sits]
Bush: [sits]
Bush: [sits]
Bush: [sits]
Bush: [sits]
Bush: [wonders why it was a day earlier than planned]
Baseball Player: [slams pie in Bush’s face]

Sweet Monkey Jesus.

I’m trying to find the part where they answered the question.

So ESPN severs ties with Simmons and Olbermann, both original content creators, for cost cutting measures.

Kessel’s feelings on the trade:

In the last couple years of my grandma’s life, she stopped giving any fucks and would wear slippers out to dinner. She would get up from the table the very instant she finished her food and race out to the car, no matter where in the meal the rest of us were. And she upped her one glass of Sauvignon blanc with ice…

Yeah, she’s like in the top five funniest people of her generation. If you don’t believe that well then you can go look into the bucket of truth.

If he were good enough to be an All-Star, he’d be wearing a Royals uniform.

Canadian knock-knock joke:

Sometimes I long for the good old days when airing your grievances with your dad was reserved for when you downed one too many drinks at Christmas. Having to do it in person really made the moment special.

What is the point of this overlong article?

Fun fact: lawyers from top-tier law schools make stupid arguments all the time.

20 years worth of attorney’s fees is probably double what he would cost just to keep him locked up for life.