What they don't tell you is that it's actually one single terrifying 250lb shrimp.
If you can kill it, you can keep it.

I heard that Bill Nighy had to gain 30lbs of tentacles for the role.

My Two Cursed Pirate Dads

When you move to Boulder, CO, the mayor personally gives you a housewarming gift of a green Subaru Outback with a Thule ski rack on top, a chocolate Labrador in the back, and a bumper full of "COEXIST", "Howard Dean '04", and "BHS Panthers Lacrosse" stickers.

And 30% believe North Korea is in the Middle East. I have a feeling a lot of these percentages overlap around the same group of people…

That's what we mean by "American Exceptionalism" - no one does dumb as well as we do dumb!

Had an Uber driver in Seattle try to lecture me about government chemtrails. I eventually had to tell him that I'd get out and hail a new driver if he didn't shut up.

That's how you get a Subaru to reverse.

Hey man, demonic entities have been known to change their fashion sense from time to time. I certainly don't dress like I used to 25 years ago!

The AV Club
vicious, pasty little troglodytes

"Mr. Lundegard, my patience is at an end."

Those diva actors kicked over the terrine of pomegranate-miso reduction, after it was served at an unsatisfactory temperature.

"QUICK! To the Blanchettorium!"

It's pronounced "Jift".

I wouldn't call it a good performance, but she seemed like she was having a ton of fun as a sword-fighting Soviet villain in that awful Indiana Jones sequel

Nepotism, uh, finds a way!

Groundbreaking CGI is employed to make giant sweat droplets hover in the air around Diane Lane's head

"The world of a Los Angeles plagued by smog, replicants, and potentially unsanitary food trucks"….so, current Los Angeles?

HE BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!

Damn I guess the sequel to Morning Glory is gonna be really dark then!