Found it!

Now where did I put my Red Foreman meme? It’s around here somewhere...

Common core math.

Yea, always was envious of that. I’m sure that salt spreading is as much a political thing around these parts (n.e. Ohio) as it is a climate thing, seeing as the city of Cleveland sits over vast salt deposits and Morton Salt is a big employer.

Well made maybe, just don’t say the word “salt” anywhere near one or it will disappear. Those things rotted only slightly slower rate than a Chevy Vega.

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

This. Just grow a gawddamned spine and say “NO!” to any and all bullshit upsells. It ain’t that hard.

Won’t work, you’ve got to drive on private property. Drive through front lawns, problem solved.

Three minutes? Whoa. Here in Ohio you’re lucky if you get one in three days.

Same result here in Ohio.

There’s gotta be a tattoo artist/notary public combo out there somewhere...

Yea, and in the time it takes for that warrant to be issued the drunk metabolizes it.

A kick in the nuts is a good way to check for unconsciousness IMHO.

I have mixed feelings on this. On one jand IMHO it kind of makes a bit of a mockery of the $th Amendment, but one the other hand you have this:

They lied.

Rand McNally FTMFW!!!

If you can’t learn the basic streets around where you live, you shouldn’t be driving - or voting- or breeding.

It IS most epic.

Proof positive that common sense no longer exists...

Autozone. There’s your first mistake.