Tottenham took four points from Real Madrid in a home and home, but by all means, let’s hear about what Sterling and City did against Napoli.

What is it with Billy and run-on sentences? His second sentence lost its parallel construction right at the end, and I had to go all the way back to the beginning. I’m interested in Raheem Sterling, but not THAT interested.

Counterpoint: He runs like a T. Rex...

Jeez, even for Deadspin standard, hyperbole much?

Or, you know, sports are fun. And he can do all of the above, like I did.

Just take your nuts like a good boy.

Oh so it’s fine unless it happens to you. Thanks for sharing. 

Last night was the best result Giants fans could hope for: the Dodgers lost game 7, and the bragging rights that go with it.

I work for Fox News, and while I see your point, I really think it was the Dodgers’ focus on multiculturalism that did them in.

And a followup: will this victory mean a lot to the residents of Houston in the years to come?

I’m an ESPN producer looking for an angle: I see your point about unlikely liners, but is it possible that Houston deserved to win this series more because of Hurricane Harvey?

I love the “Kaepernick is too old and untalented” argument used when the team trotted out Brian Hoyer for 6 CTE inducing games.

don’t sleep on “took custody of his food”

The whole police report sounds like when I tried to make my high school papers sound more important with a thesaurus..

“I immediately noticed a strong odor of intoxicating liquor emanating from his breath...”

Or maybe he’s a fucking idiot that got wasted, forgot he ordered food, and pointed a gun in the face of a girl delivering his food.

I heard there was a guy named Colin who had some experience throwing passes. Why wasn’t he available?

I don’t know what people expected from CJ. After all, it’s “Beathard”, not “Beatdespiteathreehundredyardeffort”.

Only 170 fans had the privilege of seeing this minute live, but thank god at least one of them had the awareness to film it.