Well in 1891 Dr. James Naismith created a game using two peach baskets so rival gang members could settle their differences. Bill Simmons was on hand to document this historic moment and whine incessantly that none of these players could hold a candle to the 1986 Boston Celtics.

This is the plot of Speed 3. The bus will blow up if the team it is carrying goes below .500.

DENMAKR is a dating app that describes itself as being “for Bob Villa types.”

Her opponent later admitted that it was the longest he ever lasted with a girl.

Well look at the man with the golden fuckin’ sphincter over here guys.

Based on your avatar you have been waiting for this moment for years.

And yet I’m still waiting for them to invent a basketball that catches fire after you hit 3 consecutive 3 pointers.

Dear Billy Joel,

yesterday i asked my biggest fan if she would watch my games for the rest of her life

In this market, you have to move fast to capitalize on potential gains within cultural subsets. If you aren’t doing community-based targeting strategies, you’re losing out on potential gains in market share. I am dead inside, there is only market share.

What I like about this post is that you’re successfully re-establishing your brand as one of the best Deadspin commenters to a whole new demographic of workshy masturbators.

“to help launch our brand into the market...”

This works for some people, but these people are still relatively young with a decent metabolism who tend not to exert themselves and are not often all that stressed. Once the youth and metabolism go, though, look out, esp. if stress kicks in, then you are the smelly guy you have only heard whispers about because you…

You are gross.

Wow, what a thread. As someone who has worked in suicide prevention for 20 years,  I was pleased to see a variation of the typical reporting of suicide in this headline. Kudos to Deadspin.

Where exactly are you getting this idea that the guilt and shame of feeling suicidal is the only thing keeping some suicidal people from doing it? You have it completely ass-backwards: the “social pressure” prevents them from seeking help, thereby INCREASING the likelihood of suicide.

Reading this and the rest of your comments, you should back away from the keyboard. You’re out of line and you’re just wrong.

You’re a fucking idiot. Suicide is ALWAYS mental illness. You simple fuck. It may be a transitory episode, but it is definitely mental illness. Again, you miserable stupid fuck.

Well when both suicide bereavement groups and suicide prevention groups are saying “the terms we use matter” I’m going to listen to them because they actually know what they are talking about. I can’t believe you think that people are talking about terminology just in terms of “oh, how would the dead person feel about…