My wife and I decided with our kids to only use positive genocide. It’s harder but it seems to be working out

Captain Kirk was banging non-humans 50 years ago and no one got upset until he kissed a black woman.

I kept flipping between being amused and feeling really sad for a grown man who genuinely seemed to not understand what a subpoena meant. I also kept trying to decide if he sounded more like Fenton Mulley from Home Movies or Buster Bluth.

A real Roger Stone protégé would have done something sneakier, nastier, and less prosecutable. Like so many mentors, he ends up disappointed.

We’re experiencing the Nunberg trials

Very, very, VERY well said.

He seems like such a calm, trustworthy presence.

She’s also been busy with her other supergroup, The New Pornographers, with Brill Burisers (2014) and Whiteout Conditions (2017) having been released since her last solo album.

She’ll make sure the votes were counted correctly, since Asians are good at math

Mark Wahlberg committed a hate crime, so I think he is in the lead

I don’t know if this song was ever posted on this site, but it should be. His lyrics are fantastic:

Obviously they’re calling Huckabee a cent, but being shy about it.

And you can’t forget about the GOP’s wonderful lipservice to free markets while simultaneously punishing companies for their own free market principles. Fuck every Republican. https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/03/02/590149921/georgia-lawmakers-punish-delta-air-lines-over-nra-feud

He’s got the thickest skin anyone has ever seen! That famous tennis butt photo? That’s not fat, believe me, folks. That’s 100% skin, all the way down. Everyone tells him, “You’ve got such thick, presidential skin, Mr. Trump!”, ask anybody. Just tremendous skin, folks. Tremendous. Not like Crooked Hilary’s skin, which…

Hopefully this raises enough money that we can finally pay ALL of the monkey actors

Donald being right about Darrell Hammond doing the better impression is when he became president.

What exactly is a street fighter?

I can’t believe that’s not a t-shirt. Or maybe it is, I just can’t find it.

My sister! *slap* My daughter! *slap* An oscar winner! *slap*

“How the hell is that unrelatable!?”
-AV Club user alienjesus