Trainer: What’s your name?

10 to 1 says the first millennial president has dreads, is vegan and goes to the presidential inauguration wearing glowstick jewelry. This is not a future I want to live to see.

There’s a level on which my favorite part of this is the official press release containing the sentence “We are not screwing around, Philly.”

i’m exaggerating a bit but, for me, that ‘process’ looked a bit like this!

It’s fucking blue and black! Do not start with that shit again.

John 6:55

brags about “pranking” Starbucks by having them write “Merry Christmas” as his name on the cup. He also flashes a gun he brought into the coffee shop

I don’t know. They may have a point. Those cups don’t look anything like the ones Jesus drank his Gingerbread Lattes out of.

I bet this guy has, like, the biggest dick ever.

Jesus Christ dipshit, it was a joke.

$1500 into his 401(k)? Dude’ll never have enough to retire comfortably at that rate.

The only thing we know for sure, is that Publix’s deli subs are tasty as hell and I miss them so.

There was a reason to lie about the free stuff at the time. If he accepted free food, then the NCAA could have fucked up his season. And it’s not a stretch that the grocery store employees would lie to keep him playing football each Saturday.

I disagree. They appear to be good at getting caught.

Yeah, and they're all like "let's get him fired!" like screwing with some schmuck's livelihood over five bucks is so cool and clever. Fucking lowlife slabs of shit.

If the company can't afford a $10 tip on pizza, they aren't giving out raises or bonuses.

How can you hate on delivery drivers? They bring HOT DELICIOUS FOOD TO YOUR DOOR you lazy fuck.

Pizza guy.

First and most importantly, as a former pizza delivery person fuck those cheap entitled assholes.

Eeeeeehhhhh, most of this evidence seems built in the idea that his eyes are completely dead and not functioning. If he's just seeing big blurry shapes all the time, he'd still be functionally blind and still fully capable of doing this stuff, especially since he's got his other senses and has been relying on them for…