Tom Baker is my Doctor, Ecclestone is the best after him. Yes, I’m taking the Manc position in this argument.

Out here in 2087 I just print my pizza.

One of my teachers from when I was 12 was a man later convicted of, well, the full gamut of indecency with at least a dozen of my fellow pupils. I had no idea what was going on, there was never a hint of it that I picked up on, and it only really came to light decades later. I mean, he seemed a decent teacher to me…

That moment when someone suggests something really cool but you think “My carpets!” but it’s also bones for my doggos so...

No closer to coming up with ant man suit then. Probably for the best.

“How d’you like those lemons?”

When life gives you lemons, choke life to death on the lemons.

“Hey, that probe they sent to Jupiter’s nearly there now, what was it called again?”

What I love most about this stuff (planetary science) is the geochemistry. Lakes of methane and ethane, rains of sulphuric acid, there probably is a planet with a diamond core out there. (Can you have liquid diamond or would that be, as I assume, something else entirely?) When you consider that we, as people, are…

“Did Karlie Kloss Diss Taylor Swift by Hanging Out With Kendall Jenner?”

I wish I was a successful independent man, you’re on your own. #bitter #angry #confused

Thank you so much for this interview. I started off reading like “yeah, well how do you like this Laura Moon?” but that was covered brilliantly. Honestly, fantastic article. 10/10. Great show, no marks out of ten, I just think they are absolutely on top of it.

I think this is fine. Makes me smile if anything.

My theory is that Wonder Woman achieved this because she’s the only one of them who’s been acting like an actual fucking hero. Would WW have let her mum die in a stupid tornado? Would she over-react to an imaginary threat? And let’s face it, both Batman and Superman get each other so wrong, colossal lack of judgement,…

The premise of this shindig profoundly misinterprets/malrepresents my core demographic. This isn’t a marketing ploy. It is a lifestyle. Pepperonistas! To me!

It’s not the same everywhere, I’m in the UK, of course I’d heard this pretty quickly, but I heard he was a bit mental yesterday and only this minute learned his skin colour. Just trying to reach out, feel free to shuck me off.

“And thatsh the way you beat Capone.” Not going after his taxes. (Trump, hint, hint!)

That guy Andy Cohen, he looks like an off-brand Joey Tribbiani. But I can’t remember the actor’s name who played Joey. I know he’s doing Top Gear now, I know exactly who the the hell he is, but I’ve been sat here for ten minutes determined not to Google it, and I’m none the wiser. I think this is my first real senior…

Frankly I doubt anyone wants to get used by me, but I’m open to suggestion. Sure, I’m awesome, but you should know by now that my brand of ‘awesome’ doesn’t come with a substantial attached dollar-value. Or does it? Perhaps I’m smarter than I think? You be the judge.

She is also Scottish, so dialect.