And tears.

I’m willing to try not to move to Canada with Lena Dunham. I’ll give it a shot, dammit.

I get that off internet comments sometimes. Shouldn’t there be constant tiny writing scrolling up my screen warning me? A guy always on in the background saying ‘diarrhea, hatred, laughing out of context, a sense of fear, please see a physician if symptoms persist’?

Maybe he knows you are a vile creature? Just a theory? I mean, we’ve only got your word for it that he was a colossal douche, just like we only have your word for it that you are a sick person to work with. I’m just going to take your word for it.

See, I find it interesting thinking about the nuts and bolts of how it might work in reality. The whole guns thing bugs the hell out of me. Then I started thinking about buying Detroit and turning it into Fallout LaserQuest. I’d got as far as establishing that between 12 and 2 A.M. the backroom teams would have to…

Just hang on a mo - Charlie Sheen has a reputation as a family man? That’s given me a good chuckle.

Ever heard of Derek and Clive (Peter Cook and Dudley Moore)? Here’s a sample:

“...when a waiter goes over the night’s specials...”

“The bread is stale and the circus is abusing the animals.”

Ha! Seriously though, never think it’s not appreciated. We’ve both had absolutely idiotic leaders in the last 20 years, but our respective populaces are not that different temperamentally. I’ve lived and worked in the United States and been bowled over so many times by your hospitality. So thanks for the F-35s. (I’m…

Pretty sure that was VTOL Lambos, dude.

British Politicians use this ‘blurring’ all the time. I very much regret if I might have given anyone the impression that I may have allowed myself a blurring of the lines of ethical behaviour. Should that have been the case, I would certainly have learned some very important lessons, and I have certainly done so.

I like this being in Foxtrot Alpha. I hereby pronounce you Jason Torchoway! A piece on the US gubment’s secret autonomous stealth hypercarlaser platform, please. Or a piece on how the lack of a credible one is worrying.

Thank you! Very interesting! In ‘English English’, “mightn’t do” is also OK. In spoken ‘English English’, there seems to be developing a confusion between “might have” and “might of” - I developed my own logical conclusion as an answer to the question “Did you do it?”- “Might’ve have done.” Again, thanks.

Oh God, I can’t tell you how much I loved this. Can I write to you about how true meaning can only be found when you stop looking for meaning? I thought about a tree today... when I nourish it with my nightsoil do you think the gluten in my diet will harm it?.... honestly, I’m ready for this.

Well, I’d prefer for consistency ‘not that a big deal’ which no-one uses, because ‘not such a big deal’ seems fine - but ‘not such big a deal’ does not. But I take your point anyway. There’s a fairly arbitrary flip there. Idioms are odd.

To be honest, my real opinion is that if all the information-content is delivered without loss, whether in patois, argot, dialect or text speak, then however you have chosen to deliver it, it is fit for purpose. But with written language, as we all know, changing the position of a comma can radically change the…

“What the hell is brimstone?”

Not really. One is grammar, the other usage. Look:

Most Americans don’t know that ‘irregardless’ isn’t a real word, and that the phrase ‘that big a deal’ doesn’t require the word ‘of’ anywhere near it, let alone slap-bang in the middle. Irregardless, I shouldn’t make that big of a deal about it. Fuck it, Imma throw some shaed at Clover anyway.